TRAIN UP A CHILD: HERE ARE THE REASONS WHY MOST FAMILIES FAIL WOEFULLY IN CHILD UPBRINGING.

 

Why Most Families Fail Woefully in Child Upbringing

Child upbringing is one of the most important responsibilities any human being can ever have. It is not just about feeding, clothing, and sheltering a child; it is about shaping a mind, molding a character, and preparing a soul to face the world. Unfortunately, in our modern era, many families are failing woefully in this responsibility. This failure is not a light matter—it has long-term consequences that ripple through generations, communities, and entire nations.

In this article, we will explore why most families fail in child upbringing, looking into the root causes, cultural influences, societal pressures, and psychological oversights that lead to this tragedy. We will also outline possible solutions for parents and guardians who want to raise responsible, well-adjusted, and emotionally intelligent children.

1. Misunderstanding What “Upbringing” Really Means

One of the first reasons families fail is that many parents misinterpret what upbringing actually entails. They assume it is merely providing physical needs—food, clothes, education—and maybe occasional discipline.

True upbringing involves:

• Instilling moral values

• Teaching self-discipline

• Encouraging critical thinking

• Building emotional resilience

• Cultivating empathy and respect for others

• Modeling good behavior

When parents reduce upbringing to just “I send them to school and feed them”, they miss the larger picture. A child might have the best clothes and the most expensive toys but still grow up entitled, selfish, or directionless because they were never truly guided in life’s core values.

2. Absentee Parenting: Too Busy to Be Present

Many parents today are physically present but emotionally absent. Some are so caught up in their careers, businesses, or personal pleasures that they have little meaningful interaction with their children.

Signs of absentee parenting include:

• Children spending more time with TV, internet, or peers than with their parents

• Parents delegating all emotional and moral guidance to teachers, relatives, or nannies

• Lack of family bonding time

• Minimal interest in the child’s emotional struggles or personal victories

Children raised without consistent parental presence often seek love, validation, and identity outside the home—sometimes from harmful influences.

3. Over-Pampering and Lack of Discipline

Some parents swing to the opposite extreme—being overly indulgent. In an attempt to “give my child what I never had,” they spoil them with material possessions, shield them from all consequences, and give in to every demand.

This approach produces:

• Entitlement mentality – the child believes life owes them everything

• Poor resilience – they crumble at the slightest challenge

• Weak work ethic – because they have never been pushed to earn or work for rewards

True love is not giving a child everything they want, but giving them what they need to grow into responsible adults—and that includes discipline, boundaries, and accountability.

4. Inconsistent Parenting

Children thrive in an environment where rules are clear and consistent. Unfortunately, many parents send mixed messages:

• One day they punish a behavior; the next day they ignore it.

• One parent enforces rules while the other undermines them.

• Standards keep changing depending on the parent’s mood.

This inconsistency confuses children, making them unsure of what is right or wrong, and can foster manipulation (“I’ll ask Dad because Mom will say no”).

5. Delegating Parenting to Society and Technology

In the past, children learned values primarily at home. Today, many parents have allowed social media, movies, music, and peer groups to take over this role.

The danger?

• Media values often conflict with family values.

• Social platforms can normalize toxic behaviors like disrespect, greed, vanity, and dishonesty.

• Without parental guidance, children absorb whatever trends they encounter—whether healthy or harmful.

When parents fail to actively shape their children’s worldview, the world will do it for them—and usually not in the way they would hope.

6. Lack of Moral and Spiritual Guidance

Regardless of religion, moral and spiritual foundations are essential to a child’s development. They provide:

• A sense of right and wrong

• Accountability to a higher standard

• Inner peace during life’s challenges

Many families fail because they never instill these principles early enough. Children grow up without a moral compass, and in adulthood, they struggle to make ethical decisions or develop a strong sense of purpose.

7. Toxic Family Environment

A child’s behavior is often a reflection of the environment in which they are raised. Homes filled with violence, constant criticism, favoritism, substance abuse, or neglect create deep emotional wounds.

Consequences include:

• Low self-esteem

• Aggression or withdrawal

• Trust issues in relationships

• Higher risk of substance abuse or criminal behavior

Parents may think children are “too young to understand” conflicts, but children absorb and internalize the emotional atmosphere around them.

8. Comparing Children to Others

Many parents mistakenly believe comparison is a form of motivation. Statements like:

• “Look at your brother, he’s smarter than you.”

• “Your cousin got better grades—why can’t you?”

Rather than inspiring improvement, comparisons breed:

• Resentment toward siblings or peers

• Inferiority complex

• Pressure to perform for approval rather than for personal growth

Every child is unique, with different strengths and weaknesses. Effective upbringing celebrates individuality while still encouraging excellence.

9. Failure to Teach Financial Responsibility

Some families fail not just morally or emotionally but practically—they never teach their children how to handle money.

Without financial literacy, children grow into adults who:

• Live paycheck to paycheck

• Fall into debt easily

• Lack budgeting or saving habits

• Depend on others financially

Teaching children the value of money, work, and delayed gratification is part of responsible upbringing.

10. Ignoring Emotional Intelligence

In the rush to focus on academics and career preparation, many parents overlook emotional intelligence (EQ)—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions.

Children without EQ training may:

• Struggle to form healthy relationships

• Have poor conflict resolution skills

• Misinterpret other people’s emotions

• React impulsively under stress

Raising emotionally intelligent children means modeling empathy, active listening, and emotional regulation in daily life.

11. Lack of Proper Communication

Some parents only talk at their children, not with them. This creates an environment where children:

• Fear opening up about struggles

• Feel misunderstood or unheard

• Seek advice from unreliable sources

Good communication is a two-way street—parents must listen attentively, ask open-ended questions, and create a safe space for honest conversations.

12. Over-Reliance on Academic Success as the Sole Measure of Worth

In many cultures, academic performance is seen as the ultimate measure of a child’s value. While education is important, focusing solely on grades can be harmful.

This mindset produces:

• Anxiety and burnout

• Neglect of other talents (art, sports, creativity, leadership)

• Children who tie their self-worth to external validation

Holistic upbringing values all aspects of growth—intellectual, emotional, physical, and social.

13. Not Modeling the Behavior You Expect

Children are natural imitators. If parents preach kindness but are rude to others, or demand honesty but lie themselves, the child will follow actions, not words.

Successful upbringing requires parents to be living examples of the values they wish to pass down.

14. Not Adapting Parenting Styles to Changing Stages

Raising a toddler is different from raising a teenager. Some parents fail because they use the same approach for all ages—either staying too controlling or becoming too lax too early.

Effective upbringing involves evolving with the child’s needs, granting age-appropriate freedoms, and preparing them for independence.

15. The Solution Path: How Families Can Succeed in Child Upbringing

While the reasons for failure are many, success is possible with intentional effort:

1. Be Present – Quality time matters more than quantity.

2. Set Clear Boundaries – And enforce them consistently.

3. Prioritize Moral and Emotional Education – Beyond academics.

4. Model the Right Behavior – Children watch more than they listen.

5. Encourage Independence – Let children take responsibility gradually.

6. Stay Involved – Know their friends, interests, and struggles.

7. Create a Loving Environment – Affection is not weakness; it’s a foundation.

8. Educate Financially – Money management is a life skill.

9. Guide, Don’t Control – Offer direction but allow self-discovery.

Conclusion

Raising a child is like planting a tree. Neglect it, and it grows wild, weak, or fruitless. Nurture it with care, discipline, and love, and it will grow strong and bear fruit for generations.

Most families fail woefully in child upbringing not because they do not love their children, but because they misunderstand the depth of the responsibility or allow distractions, indulgence, and societal influences to take over their role.

The future of every society lies in the quality of its children, and the quality of children lies in the quality of their upbringing. If we want a better world, it must begin at home—one family, one child, one value at a time.